15%.
My Macbook is currently 15% as I write this on a Monday morning, and I’m a bit annoyed. There’s no reason for my MacBook to be 15% on a Monday morning. The light issue in my area has been so bad for the past few weeks and it’s frustrating, especially because I moved to this place because of constant electricity.
Please take me back to 2021/2022.
Fast forward to Friday, my Mac is fully charged and I can now work because AEDC has decided to fix my estate light.
Took them long enough but who am I to complain? I’ve given up on this country.
Recently, I've been spending my days reading books, articles, and sometimes scrolling through tweets that just irritate me. I'm actively trying to steer clear of Twitter because I'm tired of dealing with people who lack common sense or communication skills. And 60% of the people on that app lack both. If I can curate my friend group, I'm confident I can do the same on Twitter.
Speaking of friends, I used to be somewhat of the “good” friend, the “funny” friend, the friend you run to for anything, the friend that always makes you feel better.
Would I call myself a pick-me friend? I don’t think so. I enjoyed seeing everyone around me happy, not just friends, mainly because I derive joy from other people's happiness. As long as the energy around me is good and healthy then my day is made.
Positive energy was my fuel.
I hated being around dull people, people that would do anything to suck the energy out of you or make you feel terrible.
I always told myself that I couldn’t be sad at home and sad outside. There has to be a balance.
Later on, I realized that was my only source of happiness and when I’m not around people, I fall back into depression. This is how I got to know, I suffer from seasonal depression. I can’t belly laugh because I end up crying like my subconscious just brings out tears from my eyes and I begin to ask myself if I deserve all this laughter, this happiness.
When I stopped hanging out with people and went into full shell coverage, the depression worsened. I had to find another source of happiness and I had to find it fast, which was how I found BTS and their music. They rescued me but I knew what I was doing, I knew I was holding on to them for life and I worried that I would someday grow tired of them and that would be another end for me.
So I took it slowly, I relaxed on my obsession with them and knew I had to create my source of happiness.
Now you may be wondering if I ever did. Nope, no, nada.
Never found it and it almost made me lose myself in the process.
I get really scared of being happy now because I know depression is about to follow through. It’s like they come hand in hand. I laugh deeply and the next thing I’m feeling is sadness, pouring over me.
Insane stuff, really!
Life is tough, it’s so tough I start to wonder why we were sent here. People say everyone has a purpose in life but what purpose? Aren’t we all hustling to make money and not wallow in poverty?
When I was younger, the sentence “Everyone has a purpose in life” was one of the famous lines I used to make my friends feel better when they’re hurt or broken but not anymore, we’re all just suffering and hustling and trying not to die.
My stance about life has changed entirely, especially after going through so many struggles and now I’m just winging it. We are all just winging it.
Let me end this year because it’s getting too depressing.
I hope everyone finds their source of happiness fr fr
This marks the end of my somber posts. From now on, it's all humor!
Hello love, May you always be happy, even when sadness comes cos it sure will as it’s inevitable but may you always look back and know that the happiness you felt yesterday will not be greater than the happiness you’ll feel tomorrow so if you ever get sad, know that you are sad today but yesterday’s and tomorrow’s happiness overflows❤️