In another life, i’d be a surgeon, but i’m not sure i’d want another life.
Also, my nails wouldn't let me write. Plus a little life update!
Truth be told, I haven’t enjoyed writing recently… and no, it’s not writer’s block. It’s my nails. I fixed a set for my birthday, longer than usual, and now typing feels like a struggle. I can’t write comfortably without my fingers hurting. So yeah, writing has been a bit of a hassle these past few days. But don’t worry, I’m counting down the days till they fall off. They’re too pretty for me to take out myself.
I had a couple of ideas I wanted to write about today. The first was about becoming a doctor… but in my next life. Or in another life. And no, this didn’t come after watching Pulse on Netflix (though I find that show a bit controversial, but I’ll leave that for Scene & Heard). It was also more of a passing thought that stuck with me longer than I expected. A thought that always crosses my mind when I’m at the clinic or watching a medical show. I realized that in another life, if things were different, I would actually enjoy studying biology and chemistry. I’d pay more attention to math and try to understand it instead of running from it. And failing woefully. I’d take science more seriously.
I’d probably still complain a lot, but I’d push through. Because being a doctor is one of those careers I’ve come to respect deeply as I’ve grown older. Not because it’s prestigious or always glamorous (that too) but because it’s one of the few jobs that gives real, tangible value to someone else’s life.
Imagine having the skill to physically heal someone. To make them feel better when their body is failing them. That’s not just intelligence, it’s compassion, and patience rolled into one. There’s something so beautiful and human about that.
I think what really gets to me is how much doctors deal with life and death daily. That thin line. That responsibility. It’s a lot, and I know it’s not easy. I don’t romanticize it, but I do admire it. And sometimes I wonder what it would’ve been like if I had taken that path. If I’d paid more attention in math class.
But then again, I don’t think I’d want another life. The one I’m living is already exhausting enough. It’s complicated, too. I love life, but I also despise it in some ways. I hate how hard we have to fight to live, emotionally, financially, and physically, only for it to end in death. That cycle has always felt cruel to me. We don’t ask to be born, yet we spend most of our time here struggling to survive. And when we finally understand a few things, it’s time to go.
Definitely not a fan!
That said, I also wouldn’t mind being extremely wealthy.
Which leads me to what would’ve been my second idea—Dubai Bling. I spent most of yesterday watching it on Netflix amidst cooking and working. I couldn’t help but admire the women on the show. Some are self-made, some married into money, some influencers, but all of them are rich. Very rich. And very dramatic. It’s mostly fashion, gossip, and soft launches in soft lighting with that slow motion thingy that gives them aura.
I’m not a fan of reality shows, but they piqued my interest. I found myself watching and saying, “Yeah, I want that.”
Not the chaos or constant beefing. Just the lifestyle. The freedom. The kind of wealth where you don’t have to mentally calculate if something is a need or a want before buying it. I got so delusional at one point I looked at my screen and told myself, “Yeah, I’m going to have this life.” How? I don’t know. When? No idea. But the delusion is working overtime lately, and I’m okay with that.
In between all these thoughts, I’ve had multiple episodes with life recently. Enough to start my own reality show. I’ve fallen in love with different men and fallen out just as fast. I’ve been so curious about men in general that I once caught myself mentally dissecting why they act the way they do, like I was doing research for a thesis. No answers yet, in case you’re wondering. But they fascinate me. And the more I converse with them, the more I dislike the idea of marriage or a relationship with them. (One day I’m probably going to write about every single one of them, but until then…)
Got a new phone recently too. The camera? I’m obsessed. So obsessed that I’ve been experimenting with photography and studying angles like someone preparing for an exam. It’s fun.
Then there’s YouTube. That one is still hanging in limbo. I’ve gone back and forth trying to figure out what I want to do with my channel. Some days I feel like I’ve figured it out. Other days, I’m ready to delete everything and disappear. So yeah, still struggling there. I know I want to keep showing up, but the “how” is something I’m still working through.
My eyesight has gone from bad to worse, or maybe it’s just the weather (I really think it’s the weather). Either way, my glasses haven’t been of much help lately. I still find myself squinting, even with them on. Funny thing is, I don’t even know where the glasses are right now as I write this. But I can see the case sitting right beside me, and they’re definitely not in it.
I’m not the “block and go” type. I usually just let people rot silently on my social media, no interactions, nothing. But I blocked a friend recently. Everywhere. And I’ve been, well... not sad, just quietly pissed that I let someone get under my skin like that. There’s only so much I can take.
Anyway, I just wanted to write something, even if my nails didn’t want me to. So here it is. A little bit of everything.
Okay, I’m off to go make my hair.
Also, the views on my last newsletter have been blowing up, and I honestly don’t know where some of you are coming from, but I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you.🫶🏾
READ HERE:
In my next life I will run away from science lol. I’ve been in this bubble for a long time and in as much as it’s tiring I don’t see myself leaving. When everyone changed their career path after uni, I changed mine but still went into science 😂. I’m tired of myself. I tell my mum that Chemistry is after me, like literally I’ve never seen anything that follows me around like chemistry. I remember in secondary school I didn’t pay attention to chemistry but that’s the subject I pass the most and the teacher liked that for me to the fact that my secondary school chemistry teacher and I follow each other on every social media 😂. So long story short, in my next life I want to just relax and be taken care of😭