maybe i'm a hopeless romantic
maybe I want to be a hopeless romantic in a world where everyone is a fucking goat
Maybe at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic in a world filled with people who glamorize cheating.
Maybe at the end of the day, it’s okay to fall in love with someone, bask in the beauty and comfort that comes with it, and not have to worry about the problems that accompany it.
Maybe it’s okay to fall in love and fully trust your significant other and the promises they make to never leave or break your heart.
Maybe it’s okay to be in love.
I’m an overthinker, a chronic one if there’s anything like that. I overthink everything-
What food do I eat today?
Do I need to wear this or that?
Is the bolt driver a kidnapper or is he just doing his job?
Why is everyone staring at me in public? Is there something on my face?
I wonder where the cab driver is from and what his family must be like.
I wonder if the cat’s family must be looking for him.
If this is necessary or if that is necessary.
Are they being sincere with me or are they playing with me?
He just called me beautiful… ugh he must be after something.
Nothing is ever a simple thought for me and the only time I find comfort in things is when I’m reading a romance novel, and even with that, I sometimes transport myself into the reader's mind to see what their thought process must have been like.
Or the character’s pov to see if I can relate to them. And when I can’t, I just create my pov in my head and move on.
I’ve always believed love isn’t supposed to be such a tough-stressful emotion, like the way it is viewed now. I believe It’s supposed to come easy, to feel easy like the way it is in the romance books we read, the movies we watch, and the love songs we listen to.
It’s always so much easier to find a calm, soothing love in books than to find one in the real world. Everyone is so obsessed with limiting how much love they can give and running away from commitments for fear of being used or neglected. Heartbreak isn’t so much of a nice thing, you know.
After my first and second share of heartbreak, getting into a relationship has felt like running on a treadmill for 5hrs nonstop with no way to get down. It has felt like climbing a steep mountain alone, late at night, with no sign of life close by.
And most times, I’ve stopped to ask myself if climbing that mountain would be beneficial to me in any way. If spending those long hours on the treadmill would be for anything. What is the assurance that I’ll get down safely without getting hurt?
It didn’t help that I could see every potential partner as someone who was just after something. It was always written clearly on their face, with the words they said, that they were after what I could give them… sexually. It always felt so audacious because when did I ever give you the impression that I also wanted that with you?
I want to fall in love like the girls do in romance books, with a man who’d make the world stop just because I accidentally hurt my finger.
I want to fall in love with a man who is just as crazy as I am with him.
Maybe I don’t fear commitments, maybe I’m a helpless-hopeless romantic in search of a romance that only exists in movies.
The kind of romance that makes you feel giddy, makes you feel like everything will be alright in the world because you’re with them.
I want to sit by the beachside with my man while we watch the sunrise and kiss under it.
Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic.
Maybe I want to be a hopeless romantic despite how much I overthink everything.
How much I might overthink their feelings for me even when they’re being honest.
Maybe I want to experience every good thing that comes with being in love with the right person.
I want to experience what it’s like to be happy with someone, outside of the bed, kissing and romantic intimacy, just spending time with them in silence, collecting beautiful memories, and laughing over silly things.
I want to experience what it’s like to be with someone who is fascinated by the things I do, the music I listen to, my favorite boy bands, the romantic books I read that make me feel giddy, and the crazy thoughts that pop up in my head on random days.
Someone who finds the little things I do interesting, someone who gifts me books and sets up dates based on my Pinterest boards.
Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic who is too shy to want all these things but still wants them anyway.
Maybe I want to be a hopeless romantic in a world where being one seems impossible.
Because everyone is a fucking goat.
Disclaimer - It's the month of love and I’m trying to be in touch with my romantic side. Don’t fret, I might switch back to being a hater next week.