someone unsubscribed from my newsletter

God will judge you🫵🏽

Seven hours after posting my last newsletter, my subscriber count went from 109 to 108. (Yes, I noticed it.) Naturally, I thought it was Substack tweaking as usual, so I kept refreshing to be sure someone didn’t actually unsubscribe because what am I writing that would make you want to stop reading my work?

My beautiful, hilarious, educating, well-written work?!

So I refreshed. And refreshed. And refreshed.

But no. Substack wasn’t tweaking. Someone had willingly, consciously, deliberately unsubscribed from my newsletter.

Now, I’m not saying you can’t ever unsubscribe if you want to (please don’t🥹), but what, in the name of well-crafted sentences, did I write that made you say, “You know what? I never want to read this person’s work ever again”?

Or was it the “Men Killed Love” post that did it for you? I can imagine them reading that and saying, “Yeah, this is it. I no do again!” (lmao adondie)

Or maybe he felt triggered by the post.💀

I’ve felt betrayal before, but this? This is a discovery. Why would anyone do that? Like, why would you intentionally hurt my feelings like that? I’m such a good person.

*cries uncontrollably

I literally write sweet things and sometimes talk about the socioeconomic state of the world. I don’t even do too much.

Or maybe it was an accident? Maybe they didn’t mean to unsubscribe? Maybe they were reading through and accidentally clicked on the unsubscribe button and boom, I was gone. Maybe they’ll come back soon. Right? Yeah, I’m probably just overreacting hehe.

I’ve spent the last few hours playing detective, analyzing every email on my subscriber page to see who actually left.💔

It’s so over for you!

Not exactly, I might even send you a follow-up message, just in case:

"Hey, I noticed you unsubscribed. Just checking in to see if you’re okay because clearly, you’re going through something. I’m here for you."

Do you think this is how musicians feel when we skip their songs on Spotify? It must hurt!

The last time someone unsubscribed from my newsletter was my ex, with his big head. Good riddance, I guess.

To the rest of you, don’t even think of leaving. You’re stuck here! If you leave, I’ll find you and bring you back. Yes, it’s giving cult. We’re in a cult!

Anyway, to the one who left… I hope you find peace with whatever you are going through because clearly, you’re definitely going through something, and it’s not my writing. ✋🏽

I don’t know why this whole thing is cracking me up so bad, but I told my sis about it, and we’ve both been laughing ever since.😂

Imagine someone else unsubscribes after this?😭