The Pandemic stole my 20s
What defines being an adult?
I love writing on Monday mornings, feels like I’m doing something important… I picture myself among other writers in a cozy café, sipping hot coffee and pouring my heart out.
Right now, I'm watching Freesia Park on YouTube while writing this down. She's been my favorite Korean-American YouTuber for a year, also in her late 20s, and I've seen her make bold decisions that turned out great in the end. She transitioned from leaving her 9-5 job to becoming a full-time YouTuber and starting her ceramic brand. It's fascinating how our late 20s seem to be a time of making life-confusing decisions.
Yes, life-confusing decisions because most of us don’t really know what we’re doing and which decisions will lead to success or leave us in tears for days.
I remember a conversation I had with a friend after we graduated. She had already landed a 9-5 job and she told me,
“Tosin, I feel like I’m just existing but not living. My life is all about work and nothing else. I don’t socialize anymore, all I do is attend meetings.”
I think about it every time and realize how important the decisions you make after graduating are and how much of the social life you had in your early 20s would have to double down.
My post-graduation plans didn’t come out exactly as I wanted. Sometimes, I wonder if I should have pushed harder back then.
Then came the pandemic, and it felt like I lost three years of my life. I had no idea I had gotten to that age where I had to make tough decisions for myself until I asked someone for a piece of advice on a project I was struggling with and the reply I got was “You know the answer to that already, why are you asking me?”
It’s crazier because I don’t feel like a grown-up. I have to keep reminding myself of my age and what's expected of someone my age. I see my mates getting married, I smile and congratulate them, but deep down I wonder why they’re doing that until I remember we’re at that age where we should be getting married.
No tf, we’re not!
I was 23 when the pandemic hit, and even now, I don't feel much older. This year is the first time I've felt like I'm 25, although I'm not there yet. (I see that side eye, mind your business)
What does it mean to be older? Paying bills— I pay a lot of bills that hurt. Making tough decisions—being doing that from day one. Watching friends achieve their goals while feeling stuck? I believe everyone has their time.
What defines being an adult then? Am I supposed to be doing something great to prove I'm an adult?
I wish the pandemic could return those lost years so I could grow and experience each age like everyone else, not just within my age group.
At this point, I'm not sure where this is going, but yes, the pandemic stole my 20s.
Media I consumed over the weekend
Drama: Blossoms in Adversity- Bless the day I found cdrama because I was drawn into a world of drama, beauty, and realistic/fictional storylines. I don’t know how to explain the beauty that Blossoms in Adversity is but if you’re a sucker for women and feminism then this is a good watch. Hua Zhi, the young lady of the family, no longer stays low-key and steps up. She braves hardship and leads the women of her household to manage to avoid starvation and danger in a world that sees women as nothing.
Songs: Euphoria and Not Like Us by Kendrick Lamar. I’m not a big fan of the rap genre but I’ve been obsessed with these two songs since it dropped. Ignoring the fact it’s a diss rap and he ate Drake up but yeah, he is definitely turning up on my Spotify Most streamed artists by the end of the year.