You know what they say, Fake it till you-Yes, Please!

Confidence is a part of me or whatever Asake said. (I know he said skating, allow!)

Before diving into whatever it is I’m going to write about today, can I just say I’m a little bit proud of myself? I don’t know, I’ve been told to celebrate small wins so here’s a big yayy from me.

The last two newsletters I sent out weren’t easy to write. They were written out of stress—or rather, I had to force myself to sit down, and hit publish after I was done because I wasn’t really feeling them. (It’s that perfectionist thing again)

This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t insisted to myself that I was going to write and publish by all means, instead of giving in to laziness like I usually do. It had become a habit of mine: if my writing wasn’t flowing smoothly or perfectly, frustration would take over, and I’d give up and go back to bed. Whatever I was working on would either end up as a draft or get deleted entirely.

But recently, I’ve been pushing myself. Really hard.

I want to write. I want people to read my work and enjoy it. I love writing. I don’t want to ruin that love by convincing myself I’m not “good enough.” I’m proud of how far I’ve come.

I’ve had to remind myself that it’s okay to just write. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t even have to make sense all the time. As long as it’s good, people will read it.

It might also be because of this beautiful writer I’m subscribed to on Substack—Favour’s Newsletter. I’m subscribed to a lot but none is as consistent as hers! Myself included. She writes, and she writes so well.

She writes consistently too. She writes about any and everything. I get a newsletter from her once every two days and she just kind of inspires me. No matter how tired she is, she still writes. And it made me question myself because, really, what excuse do I have?

I’ve had 10 new subscribers since I came back a few weeks ago, and my views are going up more than I expected. I’m so so grateful. I doubt I’ll reach 100 subscribers before the year runs out but who knows, never say never, right?

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This feels like an appreciation post, but it’s also about this “fake” confidence thing I carry around. Somehow, I always convince myself and believe that everything is going to be fine—even when things are tough.

I’m naturally optimistic, yeah? I’ve always said it'd take the biggest rock in Abuja to crush my “fake” confidence or bring me down because no matter how hard I fall, I always pick myself back up. And believe everything will work out for the better.

Right now, my life is a mess. It doesn't make sense to me. Nothing is going the way I want, but for some weird reason, I’m more calm than normal. Maybe it’s because I’ve been meditating and exercising a lot recently but I feel at peace. I don’t feel the need to panic because I know everything will work out well in the end. I’m so confident. I feel my big break is coming! From where? I have no idea.

As much as I hate this life sometimes, and how nothing seems to make sense. I still love it deeply. I want to make the best of it, no matter what.

I may be going through the worst financial crisis (opening a go-fund me soon, get ready), experiencing the worst stomach ache, having a panic attack, or going through a heartbreak but after I’m done crying or drowning myself in pain. I bounce back because duh? No one can help you except yourself.

I remind myself—and whatever madness is happening in my life—that it can’t take me down.

You know how they say, “Fake it till you make it” about material things? For me, it’s about confidence. Fake it till it feels real! And believe that no matter how bad things get, it’ll all make sense someday.

Or, at the very least, everything will turn out fine.

Confidence is a part of life—or whatever it is Asake said (I know he said skating, just go with me) because it really is. You need confidence to navigate a lot of things and people. Make dem no dey look you anyhow.

So yeah, fake that confidence until it’s real, and believe that everything will be fine. Because guess what? It will. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself, and it’s working so far.

I hope with these few points of mine, I’ve been able to convince you and not to confuse—okay bye.

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Weekend Recap

• Spent the whole weekend binge-watching a C-drama in bed. It’s called Blossom. I love me a C-drama that showcases women's power, growth, and love. And also adds the spice of a hot male lead that oozes aura. Truly, no one does feminism with a side of eye candy like historical C-dramas.

• Also, read a book that pissed me off so much I had to go find the writer and block her. There needs to be a limit when writing romance, please. Don’t come and pollute us with your weird sexual fantasies all in the name of storytelling. Writers who romanticize SA should be banned from writing but hey that’s just me.

• Had fun chatting with this weird guy on Snapchat who kept insisting I take him as my boyfriend because *drum rolls, he’s a man. If you want to know how audacious men are, try Snapchat. I’ve gotten the craziest advances from there lmao.

• Didn’t listen to a lot of music this weekend, but I stumbled across one of my old favorites on TikTok: All Eyes on Me by Bo Burnham. I spent most of my time listening to it on a loop.

Thank you for reading.

Have a great week loves.